I went to bed early last night and have awakened in the middle of the nights with thoughts racing fluidly in my brain. I thought I would share a few of them. I have over 60 years of life lessons. I am not saying that I know how the world should be or that I am an expert at anything. I am saying that by sharing me life lessons maybe someone can glean something from my harvested fields.
I was a real go getter in high school and my young adult life. I would write goals down and achieve many of them. I always felt I needed a purpose and would seek one out through prayer. This is how I function. My sister tells me that I should take it easy and live life as God gives it to me. That is how my sister functions, but I think God understands that my structure is different. I am not saying either is good or bad, just different.
I have had a time in life that I felt overwhelmed with being a victim. I had put myself in the victim role. I was accepting of mediocrity. Some members of my family thought of me as a door map personality. I would just tell myself that it takes more strength to be meek than it does to be hateful and combative. This has caused me many sad times and undue burdens that were not always self inflicted.
I find myself , often times, being accepting of mediocrity. I have had times when I was just too mentally exhausted to fight the battles of life. I have not been driven to succeed in my career because the battle was just too hard, or the management did not like me, or I was given the short straw over not being able to afford a formal education. I was in victim mode.
I took many years off to raise a family and to be a domestic goddess. I do not regret those years and I am very thankful that I was able to be a stay at home parent. I enjoy children and young adults. I have spent many years of my life dedicated to children and youth ministries. I am not bragging, I am just saying this is the direction God took me in my life.I am not saying I was good at it. I was just open to sharing myself with people.
I still love to tell stories in hopes that someone will get a glimpse of a way to solve there personal life issues. You never know what someone needs to hear and if you open yourself to be a tool for God he will work through your voice.
I have stopped being so aggressive in my career as I get closer to retirement age. I lean more on God’s leadership in my life decisions. If I go for interviews I give the decision making to God. If he wants me to have a job he will open the door for me to be placed in it. This approach has saved me from the victim mode of thought. I have applied for many positions that I was not confident for and have had jobs that I never thought I would get. It also makes me feel better if I get turned down for a job. It was just not God’s timing for me to be in that certain position.
I had a point in life that I did not feel a need to achieve goals. I was just kind of wandering through life without a plan. I look back on that time and realize that I was really depressed after losing my spouse. I was not giving up in life, I was just not moving forward. That was a hard place for me to be. I have since awakened.
I am not as driven as I once was, but I do see a need for moving forward in life. I function by needing a purpose and not just living from one day to the next. I make a list and check it twice, marking off things I enjoy achieving. My list has changed in order of importance over the years, but I still need a list for direction.
I am happy with the life I live. It is simple and relaxing and fulfilling. I hope someone finds some words or stories from me that help them in their life journey.
Thanks for listening. Glad you got a little insight into Dinky’s brain.
Peace out.
Dinky
Dinky on the Farm 